- The fastest way to push the “ipconfig /release, ipconfig /renew” commands to 150 machines? Power-cycle the building.
- No matter how much you tell them otherwise, users think:
A – You have the "power" to break into their computer, anywhere in the world, whether it’s connected to the internet or not, and check out their “My Pictures” folder, or go through their inbox and find that email where they slagged off their boss, cheated on their spouse, or ordered a vibrator online.
B – They are actually interesting enough to make you actually want to
C – You have enough spare time to do this
- How to remember the difference between Raid-0 and Raid-1? The number tells you how many files you’re going to recover if anything goes wrong.
- The user always lies.
- The simplest way to make a user think you’re a god? Clean their mouse rollers…
- Always, always, always, always, always keep those old files that you think you’ll never need again. Double the number of "always" for files on a corporate network.
- Google is your friend. You know this. Amazingly, 89% of users do not know this. The other 11% don’t know what the URL for google.com is. By the way… why don’t you try googling for: “JFGI”
- Users will get angry at YOU if any of THEIR hardware or software fails. If their hard drive fails, it will be tantamount to you having deleted their identity. Even if they keep their fridge magnet collection stuck to their HDD.
- The user always lies.
- Hardware fails unpredictably. I have seen a 15 second old 500GB Hard drive fail, but I have also seen a 15 year old 2GB hard drive that’s still working. Deal with it, users, or make backups.
- If you check cables under a user’s desk who is wearing a skirt, they will invariably look at you strangely for the rest of the week.
- Users will listen in awe and wonder as you explain why they need to connect the mouse plug to the mouse port, and the keyboard plug to the keyboard port, and the reasoning behind the colour coding, and why things wont work if they plug them in the wrong way. Users will think you’re insulting their intelligence if you suggest they use Google.
- I have learnt how to deploy Domains and clusters, install linux on an Xbox, a wireless router, and my MP3 player. I will never learn to be able to use Microsoft Word. (Yeah… try aligning multiple indented tables…)
- Most secure way of backing up 3.6GB of pictures to a DVD? Use WinRAR, Best compression, 10% recovery record, 100MB volumes, with 3 recovery volumes. You could almost drill holes through the DVD and still get your files back.
- The user always lies
- Never use Micro$osft products unitil at LEAST SP1
- You want Something? Ok, then. Quickly, Cheap, Good. Choose two. You want all three? Nah... only do that for myself...
- It took me about 10 years to learn how to break into peoples computers, and check their emails and My Pictures folders.