Mawalien Invasion

Malawi, me, friends, stories, and whatever else I generally find interesting that's going on in this world...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Thursday, July 22, 2010

God is a 13 year old scriptkiddy




I

God: Noah, all the people of earth are sinners. You alone are righteous.

Noah: Thanks God. Long time fan, first time prophet.

God: So, I have decided to smite the entire world with a flood.

(pause)

Noah: Erm... Couldn’t you just teach man goodness? Show him you're a caring God? Maybe use your omni-powers to help humans evolve into what you want?

God: No. I’m thinking “flood”.

Noah: So you’d rather just kill every man, woman and child on earth, regardless of what good they've done on th-

God: What part of “flood” do you not understand?

Noah: Gotcha... Ark... two by two.... Roger Wilco...

II

God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.

Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?

God: Yes.

Moses: Awesome.

God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.

Moses: …ten?

God: Is there a problem?

Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, one, two plagues max?

God: No. For you see Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.

Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.

God: Yes.

Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.

God: Yes.

Moses: And you see nothing wrong with this picture?

God: ...

Moses: Are there any other God’s up there I can talk to?



III

Mary: Did you send the child support?

God: Frankincense and myrrh. Yeah.

Mary: Annnnnd?

God: (sighs). And gold. And the gold.

Mary: That’s better.



IV

Job: …

God: Well, this is awkward.



V

God: Abraham, you must circumcise yourself.

Abraham: As you wish, my lord.

God: LOLOMFG!!!!. He’s totally going to do it! LMAOOLLOOLLL!!!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Ain't it the truth

"Be careful. People like to be told what they already know.

Remember that. They get uncomfortable when you tell them new things. New things -- well, new things aren't what they expect.
They like to know that, say, a dog will bite a man. That is what dogs do. They don't want to know that man bites a dog, because the world is not supposed to happen like that.

In short, what people think they want is news, but what they really crave is olds. Not news but olds, telling people that what they think they already know is true."

Terry Pratchett through the character Lord Vetinari from his novel, "The Truth: a novel of Discworld"

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

To Chump

Dear Chump,

I thought about calling you a week ago.

Wanted to tell you about the comment that I found last Tuesday on Daliweb, from way back in 1998.

You said:

"I have loved Dali's paintings since high school. It's good to see it on net too."
Thursday, April 23, 1998 at 01:52:55 (EDT)"


And that made me think back to Mr. Bruggerman's art class, both of us in the back, laffin our asses off, and listening to Nirvana and Beavis n Butthead. You made your "controversial" Mum sculpture, and I did the citadel, and we were both inspired by the hot Malawian sun, laughter, friends, and our first glimpses at Dali.

I wanted to say "Hey... what the hell... we haven't seen each other in 14 years... How's about gettin your sorry self over to Portugal toot-sweet?" as soon as you picked up the fone.

14 years... You were right... time doesn't fly between best buds.

I remember my first day at school, when you came up to me and said "So, you're the guy who went away, and came back?" I said "I guess", and you replied "Huh... you're quiet..."

The last thing we did together was play chicken 3 times in a row at Capitol Hotel pool. Not too bad for a chick! You just know we were invincible... Still have the three battle scars.

I remember running behind you, coming up from the hockey field, in torrential rain. As we hit the old skating rink, I looked in horror as I saw you slip, fly up horizontally, then crash to the ground.
I almost screamed "Are you OK?" as I tried to help you up.
You groaned "I think I broke my butt!", and we both cracked up in the rain.

Youth group and Mr. Dunfords 2000A.D. comics.

I still have the Angels Don't Cry tape cover you made me. And the prayer beads. And the jade leaf.

More than that, I have some of your love for the little things in life.

Some of your smile in mine.
My sense of humor was influenced by your laughter, and I'm pretty sure it'll echo on.
You helped me to grow in a lot of little ways.

November rain, dear.

November.

you were early

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Vote for me! Just because I'm Asking you to!!!

I know I normally don't write in Portuguese, but in this case, I think it will be easier to understand when the target audience reads it.



Recebi um mail. Igual a muitos outros, embora difere no conteúdo:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

DIVULGUEM COMO ACHAREM MELHOR E MAIS EFICAZ:

O Museu Guggenheim de Nova Iorque está a preceder a um concurso internacional de Design a que chama COMPETIÇÃO DE ABRIGOS ("Shelter Competition"). Os concorrentes têm de enviar o projecto 3D de um abrigo de acordo com as regras do concurso. Foram admitidos cerca de 600 projectos de 68 países.

Dos 600 projectos foram seleccionados 10 finalistas, entre os quais está o projecto do arquitecto português David Mares. É neste projecto que entra a cortiça, aliás a cortiça é mesmo o elemento do qual é feito o abrigo.

O "CBS - CORK BLOCK SHELTER " é um abrigo construído na versátil cortiça. Mas como se não bastasse a já honrosa posição de pertencer ao TOP 10 deste concurso neste momento o abrigo de cortiça está em 3º lugar na votação do público. Pf acedam ao site do concurso e votem "CBS - CORK BLOCK SHELTER " -

http://www.guggenheim.org/new-york/education/sackler-center/design-it-shelter/vote-for-shelters!

Além do prémio do público, este concurso contempla também um prémio atribuído por um Júri, que será divulgado na Guggenheim Museum's 50th Anniversary Celebration, no dia 21 de Outubro

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A sério? Precisam de angariar votos desta forma?
Qualquer pessoa com 2 dedos de testa consegue ver o que está mal neste mail.

Votar num design, só por ser Português? Só porque é feita de cortiça?

E que tal seguir os critérios de votação, escolher o melhor design baseado nos critérios de selecção, e votar nesse? Não?

Já agora, os critérios são: The relationship of the shelter to the built or natural environment around it, How does the architecture of your shelter relate to physical location you have chosen for it, How is your shelter placed on the site, In what ways does your shelter take into account the site’s weather, How does your shelter organize space, Thoughtful use of materials, Adherence to the project specs, e Quality of the SketchUp model.

Aposto €50 que 98% dos portugueses que votaram na "caixa de cortiça" nem sequer olharam para os critérios de selecção.


Por mim, os designs “A Bamboo Shelter in a Garbage Dump City” (Philipinas) e “Lagoa Azul Shelter: Between Water and Sky” (USA/Brazil) são de longe muito mais interessantes que uma caixa feita de cortiça.

Isto faz me lembrar outros mails que recebi, para votar numa campanha Online feita pela FIFA, para escolher o melhor jogador de futebol do mundo. No mail explicava como se podia "crackar" o sistema, e votar em todos os Portugueses. Várias Vezes.

Embora neste caso em concreto, a FIFA descobriu a "falcatrua" e desqualificou muiiitos votos (não ganhou um português)

Já que terminou o prazo de votar online, escrevi um mail aos organizadores do evento (Podem fazer o mesmo: annualfund@guggenheim.org ) a explicar esta situação, e a perguntar se existem formas de detectar este tipo de manipulação de resultados. Espero receber uma resposta até dia 21 de Outubro (Data que vão escolher o design vencedor), que vou publicar aqui num update.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Friday, September 04, 2009

Shabop Shalom, baby....



"...for the constantillionth time...."

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Think of others


Sometimes in life, people just need to make other people smile.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sudoeste Festival, 2009

Yeah, it was grand!



Started off with a walk through a parking lot coated in a fine brown talc, which would pounce up and hungrilly latch onto your head as soon as you disturbed it.

Obviously, people feel quite artistic upon approaching a festival. (Ok, ok... I did two of these...)

C&M went straight in, and I had to wait for a friend of a friend who had my ticket. He showed up, vodka in hand, and a group of 6 of my buddies showed up at the same time.

Promises of beer, headbutts in the mosh pit, stage diving and more beer were handed out in glorious excess, as we headed in through the giant blue gates.



Brief pat down by the security guard (My trick: Put dirty socks on top of whatever it is you don't want found), and we were in!

It's one of the best feelings in the world!

Walking into a festival like Sudoeste. The mind reels at the assault on the senses.

Dust, grass and people-stench crack you on the bridge of your nose. Your eyes are treated to a feast, seemingly prepared by Jamie Oliver on acid, including an entree of greens and reds, a main course composed of the tiny people on the distant roller coaster flailing their arms around in apparent terror, the bread and butter on the side dish is the chubby chick bouncing, carefree on the bungee-trampolines, and as dessert: the three stages, perched up high and proud like medieval guards in a swamp of smiles, smoke, dust and man-sized frog-angels, sporting little green wings, seemingly stolen from some undiscovered exotic Brazilian parrot species.

Off to the fray!

Thinking it best to prepare for the night and morning ahead, the first group grabbed two tables, and each of us was dispatched to forage for beer, pizzas, greasy, grey-brwon cheese burgers, beer, chips and beer.

The feast only lasted 40 minutes, but it was filled with merriment, catching up on old times, and many a tale of adventures past.

The first group I managed to see was a no-name portuguese band who seemed like they were desperately trying to catch the attention of the 10 fifteen year old kids leaning against the stage perimenter. I really tried, like I do with most new music, but, no... these guys got sent straight to the little leather pouch I keep in my head for those really obscure daliesque dreams I have. (hey... stuff I put in there does seem to mutate and get... more interesting...)

Next up were the Mad Caddies.

These guys were a Ska band (although I knew they hadn't washed earlier... I could still smell the punk and raggae on them...) and this was the first time I had set eyes on their show.


The side-projection screens were roaring out green, yellow and red hues,



and just to make sure you were paying attention, now and again they'd belt you upside the head with a picture or two,



with what can only be described as ancient Zion kings with cool hats,



and great tastes in beards.






Blind Zero were up next, and as they cranked up their luso-made diesel engines, I was brought back to the day I left Portugal, headed back to Africas's Clitoris (yes... not many people know how to find it... but it's kinda cool when they do). I was at Lisbon airport, listening to the Chino-Latvian announcement about the next flight departure, when I decided to purchase their "Trigger" album. Partly because I wanted to try something new, and partly because I thought I might impress the blonde chick standing next to me in the "B" section with my musical taste.



....sorry... I'll try keep this short...

Engines roaring, they shifted through gears, and belted out "Shine On" in 4th.

At the end of the 6th song, I was looking away from the stage, hoping to see someone flying off into the now black-blue sky, having gotten thrown off the roller coaster mid-ride by the ticket guy, when I heard Miguel Guedes in the fog of noise saying "...and now we'd like to take you back..."

Battle stations! An "all hands on deck" alert was issued, and I scrambled to pull my camera bag out my back pack, unzip it, power it on and hammer down on the "rec" button in one swift move.

I really gotta practice my technique, because I missed the start by 3 seconds...



Once they finished their act, I wandered off, to do a little people-watching. I was wearing a red scarf over my face because of the dust, and because of this, all through the concert, people would stop me, asking if I was wearing it because of the Flu.

"Flu? What flu?" I retorted.

"You know... the swine pig flu type A HN A pig flu swine.... thingy..."

"Erm, no... never heard of it dude.... I'm just here for the music, and I'm allergic to Zambujeiran dust..."

"Oh... right..."


On my excursion into the bowels of the festival, I saw a frog-angel who had clearly fallen from grace as he was being... how can I put this... forcefully assulted from behind by a drunken band of bearded gorillas. Along this journey, colourful cavemen bonked clubs on each others heads, and although they looked realistic, instead of having an odour of rotting flesh, and unwashed bodies, they smelt like some over-zealous wanna-be Giuseppe Baldini tried to turn a clearly feminine odour into a sneak-attack bi-sexual smelling deodorant.

Off to the end of the festival area, was one of the best things I saw at the festival. I have seen a lot of content from the standar media sites related to the festival, but not one spoke of this attraction.

An array of several cubes made up of multi-coloured lightbulbs, pulsing, squirming and beating to an unheard rythm. It was simplicity itself. A steam-punk adaptation of Humphry Davy's invention of the first electrical light, pulling on the nerve endings of our current tech-culture.



All I can say is that the footage does not do it justice...

Fighting through the masses, I decided to head back to the main stage. Like many around me, I was forcefully pushing through the crowd politely enough not to get kicked, heading for somewhere... closer.

I'll leave this section up to your imagination....













After FNM, our tiny group of 3, who had started out at 10:30 that morning, decided to wonder around the festival, searching for that one last hit.

We were treated to a great rendition of a famous Bob Marley song, which we lapped up with gusto.

We then headed home, enjoying the sweet afterglow of a day well spent.

All in all, it was quite enjoyable.

With all this knowledge and wisdom I gained, I feel I am in the position to give you this one piece of advice:

"Always close up the foil, to keep the steam and flavour in."