Malawi, me, friends, stories, and whatever else I generally find interesting that's going on in this world...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Thursday, July 22, 2010

God is a 13 year old scriptkiddy




I

God: Noah, all the people of earth are sinners. You alone are righteous.

Noah: Thanks God. Long time fan, first time prophet.

God: So, I have decided to smite the entire world with a flood.

(pause)

Noah: Erm... Couldn’t you just teach man goodness? Show him you're a caring God? Maybe use your omni-powers to help humans evolve into what you want?

God: No. I’m thinking “flood”.

Noah: So you’d rather just kill every man, woman and child on earth, regardless of what good they've done on th-

God: What part of “flood” do you not understand?

Noah: Gotcha... Ark... two by two.... Roger Wilco...

II

God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.

Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?

God: Yes.

Moses: Awesome.

God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.

Moses: …ten?

God: Is there a problem?

Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, one, two plagues max?

God: No. For you see Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.

Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.

God: Yes.

Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.

God: Yes.

Moses: And you see nothing wrong with this picture?

God: ...

Moses: Are there any other God’s up there I can talk to?



III

Mary: Did you send the child support?

God: Frankincense and myrrh. Yeah.

Mary: Annnnnd?

God: (sighs). And gold. And the gold.

Mary: That’s better.



IV

Job: …

God: Well, this is awkward.



V

God: Abraham, you must circumcise yourself.

Abraham: As you wish, my lord.

God: LOLOMFG!!!!. He’s totally going to do it! LMAOOLLOOLLL!!!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Ain't it the truth

"Be careful. People like to be told what they already know.

Remember that. They get uncomfortable when you tell them new things. New things -- well, new things aren't what they expect.
They like to know that, say, a dog will bite a man. That is what dogs do. They don't want to know that man bites a dog, because the world is not supposed to happen like that.

In short, what people think they want is news, but what they really crave is olds. Not news but olds, telling people that what they think they already know is true."

Terry Pratchett through the character Lord Vetinari from his novel, "The Truth: a novel of Discworld"

Saturday, March 13, 2010