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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Middle of summer? Frikkin no way, man...

Damned if you do... Damned if you don't...


***EDIT***
Thanks to DS, who pointed out that Leviticus doesn't EXPLICITLY say you will go to hell if you do these things.
********


According to the bible, you ARE going to hell if you have done anything on this list not supposed to do the things on this list:

* traveled out of your home town and eaten fruit from a tree younger than three years old. [Leviticus 19:23]
* cross-bred any animals. [Leviticus 19:19]
* grown more than two types of plants in your garden. [Leviticus 19:19]
* worn a cotton+polyester blend T-Shirt. [Leviticus 19:19]
* read your horoscope. [Leviticus 19:26]
* consulted a psychic or fortune teller, or cold reader. (Also, aparently anyone who manufactures alcohol...) [Leviticus 19:31]
* cut your hair. [Leviticus 19:27]
* trimmed your beard. [Leviticus 19:27]
* gotten a tattoo. [Leviticus 19:28]
* planted crops for more than seven years non stop in the same field. [Leviticus 25:4, Exodus 23:11]
* bourn a grudge. [Leviticus 19:17]
* collected interest on a loan. [Exodus 22:24]
* insulted a leader. [Exodus. 22:27]
* mistreated a foreigner. [Exodus 22:21, 23:9]
* spread false rumors. [Exodus 23:1]
* driven a Mercury. Mentioned, read or watched any comics or cartoons with the following characters:
- Thor, Angel, Nemo, Pluto, Hercules. [Exodus 23:13] (Don't believe me? Check it out for yourselves....)



But wait.... according to Jesus, the only Unforgivable sin, is denial of the Holy Spirit. In some passages, it is so unforgivable, that the following 4 generations of your family are cursed. Also, if you are not "for him... you are against him... in this life and the next"
This can be found in everything from Mark to Matthew to Luke

Erm... sorry.... it still makes absolutely no sense...